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Category: Rants Published on Wednesday, 13 January 2010

OMG!!! ROFL!!! LOL!!! It's Time for the 2009 Bermie Awards! 

Another year has passed into history (thank goodness). And, as we enter a new decade - - - hopefully of prosperity - - - we come to the time of year when a whole industry waits in anticipation of the Annual Bermie Awards.

The envelopes, which have been kept in a dark, dank vault for the past 15 minutes at the offices of our accountants at Ketchum, Fetchum and Taxum have been handed to me. So, without further ado, here are the Bermie Awards for 2009.

The They Finally Got it Right Award goes to Uncle Bill and the Boys from Redmond for Windows 7. Finally, we have a Windows operating system that doesn't crash every five minutes and actually boasts a few redeeming qualities.

The Best iPhone Advertising Parody Award goes to Scott Jordan at Scott eVest. His new slogan "There's a Pocket for that" parodies the "We've Got an App for that" ads we've been enduring for the past two years.

The Enough Already Award goes to Verizon and AT&T for their misleading advertising on coverage using maps. The Verizon depiction of an AT&T map shows scant 3G coverage and the AT&T reply - - - showing coverage in every nook and cranny of the U.S. (but not 3G) - - - equate to the old apples and oranges comparisons we all grew up with.

The Tsk Tsk Finger Pointing Award goes to those poor souls at Microsoft who were found guilty of using patented technology in a feature in Word 2003 and 2007 that enables users to create customized XML documents. The company was ordered to take all copies of Word off the market and remedy the situation. Microsoft has filed an appeal.

The I Can't Make Up My Mind Award goes to all of the smartphone manufacturers that have climbed aboard the Android bandwagon, making it very confusing for the consumer. HTC has at least three different Android phones, LG has the infamous Droid and let us not forget Blackberry. And, as if that wasn't enough, Google is waiting in the wings with their new Android Nexus "superphone."

The Sun Never Sets Award goes to Oracle Corp. for battling the evil, politically motivated objections to its acquisition of Sun as it seeks approval of the deal by the European Union. All objections seem to have finally been dealt with, but you never know.

The Great Idea But Award goes to Konami for Storybook Workshop. This collection of folk tales aimed at preschoolers and toddlers has the right idea, BUT all of the stories are guaranteed to give your three-to-six-year-old nightmares. In this protective age of political correctness, we really can't tolerate the Big Bad Wolf eating Grandma anymore.

The Are We There Yet Award goes to USB 3.0. This often touted, elusive USB standard has eluded us for several years, but now may be ready for prime time. We'll find out in the second half of 2010.

That's all folks!

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