I've been good! I've kept my opinions to myself, not letting my emotions get the best of me. But enough, already!

Is anyone as confused as I am over the government's case against Microsoft Corp.?

Those who regularly read my diatribes know that every once in a while I'll take a potshot at Uncle Bill (Gates) and the boys from Redmond. I even made him and Janet of Reno subjects of a fairy tale.

But right now, I'm at a loss trying to figure out who my next target should be. It seems that we have a case built on fabrication, greed and a lust for power.

Is Jim Barksdale telling the whole truth when he says that Microsoft is trying to bury his company, Netscape?

Are Microsoft attorneys lying when they produce memos from a Netscape executive making overtures toward a merger?

Was Netscape merely a gleam in some computer geek's eye when Microsoft rolled out the first beta version of Internet Explorer?

Did Mr. Barksdale meet with U.S. attorney Joel Klein three times before the original charges were filed against Microsoft?

Was Apple Computer forced to integrate Microsoft's Internet Explorer or face the prospect of going out in a hail of bad debt and suffering the indignity of Microsoft's no longer supporting Apple's operating system?

Were the almighty powers of America Online lured into making Internet Explorer their browser of choice in order to get a spot on the Windows 98 desktop?

And what's the truth behind the Intel/Microsoft battles over "native signal processing?" Did Microsoft execs force the folks at Intel to abandon the project, or was it a mutual agreement between Uncle Bill and Intel Chief Executive Andrew Grove?

Everyone has copies of e-mail messages and memos to support their claims. Does that mean they're all telling the truth? How long do you hold onto your e-mail?

I hate to admit it, but I'm bewitched, bothered and bewildered (with apologies to Rodgers and Hart). Who do I trust? The world, as I know it, is falling apart!

When this all began, the whole thing seemed pretty straightforward. The government's original case was tossed out of court on appeal.

Microsoft had donned sheep's clothing trying to show us they really weren't bad guys and Uncle Bill was on the tube hyping Big Bertha Golf Clubs. This was a more visible, kinder, gentler Microsoft.

Now we have Mr. Gates taping confusing, if not extremely guarded, testimony, a la Bill Clinton; Microsoft attorneys saying "who, we?" after every government witness testifies and the makings of a script that would probably be too hot for Dynasty.

Plus, while all this is going on, Microsoft executives continue to wheel and deal, forming alliances with telecommunications companies such as Qualcomm and laying plans to build bigger and better database software to challenge Oracle Corp. and Sybase.

My faith in all these folks, upon whom I had cut my computer-nerd teeth, has been shattered! I now find myself doubting they really had my best interests at heart when they developed their new, whiz-bang software assuring me they only wanted to make my life easier.

Maybe it's time to dig out that old IBM Selectric -- with a correction ribbon -- and wrest control of my future from these egomaniacs. 'Tis indeed a puzzling situation!