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Resolutions for the New Year

Category: Rants Published on Wednesday, 18 March 2009

Mike Berman hereby resolves to keep this year's New Year's resolutions until at least Jan. 4.

Scripps Howard News Service

Ah, the new year! It's time for all of us to reflect on the past and resolve to do better in the future. Time for us to make a list, check it (at least) twice and then conveniently forget about it.

In keeping with that tradition, I hereby resolve:

To avoid picking on Microsoft or Sony unless they do something really stupid. With Microsoft releasing Office 2007 and its new Vista operating system and Sony restocking retailers' shelves with Playstation 3s, this may be hard to do, but I'm determined to keep this one, at least until March or April.

To avoid antagonizing Apple and Linux users by always being kind and gentle when referring to their operating systems. No longer will I refer to the increasing commercialization of Linux or the continuing effort by Apple to lure us away from our PCs.

To be kinder and gentler toward evil spammers and virus creators. Just think of how unsafe our machines would be without them and the millions (billions?) of dollars they've generated for a constantly growing number of companies marketing software to keep them at bay. Their demise could put thousands of folks on the unemployment lines.

To stop panting and licking my chops whenever a new geek gadget hits the market. Really, do we really need a device attached to our computers that will keep our sodas at a cool 45 degrees? Wait a minute! Of course we do! What was I thinking? Strike that last resolution!

To stop wanting to own every new tech device I review. Besides, I'm running out of space! I'm not going to beg or bend the budget for any more printers, computers, TVs, cameras, etc. Really! I mean it!

To stop running out and upgrading my computer every time a new game has minimum requirements that exceed my maximum.

To clean out all of the gadgets, gizmos and devices that have been cluttering my shelves since man invented the PC. It's time to stop thinking in the past and to finally realize that MS-DOS and the days of RAM cards and big, clunky monitors and dot matrix printers will never return.

To religiously read every press release, brochure and letter that crosses my desk before tossing them in the waste basket.

To spend less time "working" at my computer and take time to enjoy the polluted, overpopulated, shopaholic world around me. Ah, I can smell the inside of a mall just thinking about it!


Who am I kidding? These resolutions probably won't last a week, but it's great to think about doing these things, isn't it?

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